To me, “dancing around the fire” symbolises freedom. Freedom to be who you are without any fog or constrictions. Freedom to be joyful as well as freedom to be sad or angry. Freedom to create, to live your soul’s purpose fully, freedom to make choices and follow your intuition.
Like the goddess Artemis, in all her childishness, vigorously jumping around the fire in her short dress, with bow and arrows tied to her back, surrounded by her hounds. The Goddess of Wild Things ready to conquer the world! Not with her ego, not with masculine weapons of physical strength, not by pretending to be someone else but by embracing her true self; releasing the wild animal that resides within. Fierce but beautiful, armoured with strong intuition and knowing.
That’s what I want to see – every woman dancing around the fire, metaphorically or physically as and when she chooses to do so.
The coaching journey, to me, is about getting to that place of ultimate freedom through understanding who you are, accepting and embracing the “oh, not so beautiful” aspects of yourself because they are the gifts yet not transformed. Through digging deeper into things that seem to be off, through awakening that inner voice that often gets silenced like a misbehaving child, although it has the right to speak – we all remember those moments when we wish we have had listened.
I see freedom as a starting point for everything we want to achieve in life, whether that is a fulfilling career (“success without fulfilment is an ultimate failure” – Tony Robbins), bringing up healthy and happy children, having an amazing relationship, the list goes on. It is a foundation. You cannot build a robust house on the shaky foundation of somebody else’s beliefs, or on what is socially (or rather ‘societally’) acceptable, on neglect, suppression or the lack of true identity. Eventually the feelings of emptiness, loneliness and anxiety will prevail, and you will be forced to do the work – to pick up yourself off the floor, to do the soul searching and begin anew.
I always encourage women to choose to do the work now rather than waiting until the knocking on the soul’s door becomes too loud to be ignored.
The process of getting to that place of freedom is very individual. I am a true believer that you already have all the answers. Nobody else is an expert in what it is like to be you, nobody can tell you what you can or cannot achieve, how much intelligence, empathy or courage you are capable of. We not only allow our own limitations to shape the image we hold of ourselves, we do allow other people’s limitations to contribute to the formation of that image too.
The work starts with “unlearning” all these deep ingrained beliefs and borrowed identities. Clearing the clutter away, silencing the noise, so you can hear that voice within and it can take you on a journey of getting to know your true self, your desires, your passions, the gifts you have to offer to this world, learning along the way what needs to be changed, accepted or let go of.
My job here is not to tell you who you are but to guide, challenge and support you in your journey. I cannot possibly know or even contemplate who you truly are. However, I would love to meet that authentic self of yours.
The beautiful testament to how unique, by definition, we all are, was my brother’s answer to the question of what happy means to him. He said – “you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you want to sing?”. Funnily enough, I do remember him as a small child singing in the mornings. As we shared a room, I remember waking up to the lyrics of “O Sole Mio” by Pavarotti. It makes me laugh now but, as an older sister, I used to find it hugely annoying. If only I knew back then that what I was witnessing was something so profoundly fundamental, something one day many years later he will have to claim back – he was free, wild and unstoppable.
Dancing around the fire is so close to my heart because of what it depicts – freedom. I was never a prisoner in anybody’s cage other than my own. More than ten years ago one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met – psychologist Dalia Braziulyte – handed me a book called Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. In this book I discovered comfort, acceptance, the notion of freedom – reading it felt like a spiritual homecoming. Something in me started shifting and there was no going back – I was on a journey, metaphorically and soon enough physically.
Since then I have lived in four different countries (and still do – almost simultaneously!), met many awe-inspiring people, I’ve been privileged to attend some of the best trainings and seminars in the world, read hundreds of books ranging from neuroscience, psychology, personal development to spirituality, alternative healing techniques and nutrition as medicine.
I’ve done all of these things so that you don’t have to. My darkest night of the soul became my greatest gift that I am willing and I am able to share.