Twisted faces, fake laughter, ego-driven conversations, going back and forth between attack and defence, constantly trying to prove that we are somebody, we know something, feeling baffled by comparisons we make to either feel worthless or better than others. STOP.
We are trying to be anything and everything that we are truly not – it hurts deeply and consumes us greatly. It is like walking on a thin glass that can shatter any moment. How much stress, anxiety and the fear of being “found out” it must cause. It robs us of the possibility to establish deeper connections, to feel whole/complete and to experience fulfilment in life.
Unapologetically you doesn’t mean being perfect or having the right to act like an as***le. I hear things like “If I am being truly myself I may hurt others, because, you know, I am not really a very good person”, that’s just lacking integrity and avoiding responsibility towards yourself and others. Being a good person or a bad person (however we define it) is a choice, not a default quality of our true self. We make choices every day on how we are going to show up, whether we understand it or not. It is our responsibility to take care of our mental/emotional space, so we could make those decisions from the place of who we truly are at our core. That “not a very good person” would never be who you truly are because you are a divine creation – you are gorgeous at your core. You simply worked hard and long enough to convince yourself and others otherwise.
How would your life change if you started responding from that authentic place within you rather than allowing ego to orchestrate the show?
Being unapologetically you may be a totally new experience for you. It may also be a very scary place to go to if you haven’t visited it yet. Many of us are so afraid of finding a bogey man (the light being shed on all our shortcomings). However, it is quite the opposite; if we look deep enough, what we discover is an invaluable gift.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson
Discover your true self
- Quiet your mind, so you can hear that silent voice within. Meditation helps to get rid of the outside noise. Once you experience silence, it will be easier to hear and recognise that little wise voice within. That voice does not command or demand, it speaks quietly and compellingly.
- Identify your driving forces. According to Tony Robbins, many of our behaviours are based on which of our needs are – or are not – being met. It determines not only our triggers and emotional responses but also how we relate to others. There are positive and negative ways of meeting our most important needs, however, in order to make that choice consciously, we need to first be aware of them. The 6 human needs are: certainty, uncertainty/variety, significance, connection/love, growth, contribution. Here you may find full explanation of each one of the needs and how it works: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/mind-meaning/do-you-need-to-feel-significant/
- Make a list of all your values. What is most important to you in life? Number them from 1 to 10. 1 being the most important. Knowing our values not only helps us to understand ourselves better but also makes it easier for us to navigate life. Reflect on the decisions you made in the past and check in. Have you compromised anywhere? How did it turn out? Perhaps in the future it would be useful to align the decision you are making with your values.
- Be aware of what gives you joy in life – what are you passionate about. This is your fastest route not only to your true self but to happiness as well. If you have no clue what gives you joy, start doing things to find out!
- Explore what is going on for you right now. I cannot highlight enough the importance of journaling. If few times a day for two weeks you were capturing how you are feeling, you would get to the bottom of what is going on for you. When you go through a list of feelings you felt for the past two weeks, there will be one or two dominating your emotional landscape. If its joy, happiness, appreciation – it’s amazing. However, if it is fear, loneliness or overwhelm, you need to investigate it, because it prevents you from being truly you.
- Finally, look at your relationship with other people. Who surrounds you? How do you relate to them? What do you like about them? What do you not like about them? We usually attract people into our orbit whose vibration matches our own. Pay attention to who surrounds you, it will give you a clue on where you may be misaligned with your own self.
Once you discover your true self, you will realise how beautiful, creative, passionate and powerful you are. Share your true self with the world and make it a conscious practice to not let anything stand in your way. If you slip, don’t beat yourself over it, just pick yourself up and choose again.