Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category

Reach Your Optimal Performance in Times of Adversity

Posted on: April 7th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

Today most of us feel overwhelmed with day-to-day tasks, scared by the scale of the disease tearing the world apart and highly anxious not being able to anticipate what the future holds.

On top of it, we are demanding ourselves to be as productive and as efficient as we used to be. It is absolutely insane. We need to change our approach as our outer circumstances have changed dramatically. “Give me the formula!?” I hear you. I felt the same until I started asking the right question – “Where does my energy go?”.

Let’s look at Human Performance Curve below to really understand what is happening here.

Most of us are on the red side of the curve right now because mentally/emotionally we are all over the place. We are wasting our energy on things that are beyond our control, getting distracted by everything and everyone in our environment whilst trying to pile up even more tasks on our “to-do” list. Our old methods of dealing with everyday life are no longer working.

Whilst we still need some stress in order to reach our optimal performance, why not opt for positive stress such as aiming to do more when we are exercising, completing an important goal/project/task, learning new ways of working, communicating – overcoming “I’m not good with technology” lie we have been telling ourselves. Let’s be honest, we are not good at things we haven’t been practicing much.

Few simple things each one of us can do to move from red (distress) to green (eustress/optimal performance) part of the curve.

This is the time for all of us to start focusing on solutions, not on the problems. It begins with each one of us individually. Shift your own thinking, lift yourself up, get into your optimal performance and then, from that resourceful and inspiring place, help your team, your family and your friends.

What Is True to You?

Posted on: March 25th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

It is an incredible period in history, so restricted and really scary at times, yet full of different kind of opportunities. For the first time we are forced to have time and space for things we know we should be doing but somehow, under normal circumstances, everyday life gets in our way. It is time to ask ourselves “What is true to me?”. When all the noise withers away, when all the gossip and busy conversations are no longer tainting our perception, we can really delve deep and get to the bottom of who we are, really. When this is over, and humanity will prevail, so this will be over sooner or later, we can start anew, start from the depth, start with what is truly important and unique to us.

Whether you want to bring more meaning into your life, to change your job, to start a business, to take your current business into a whole new level, or perhaps strengthen your relationship with the ones you love. This, my friend, is a perfect time to delve deep and step by step discover what is true to you.

Declutter. Let go of anything that is no longer serving you, both emotionally/spiritually and physically. It is usually the clutter in our lives that blocks the clarity. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo is a revolutionary book that can help you to completely transform your outer space. The author says that “The key to successful tidying is tackling your home in the correct order, keeping only what you really love and doing it all at once. This incredibly easy method will not just transform your space, it will change you too. You will feel more confident, become more successful and be motivated to create the life you want.” You can find more information and useful tips here: https://konmari.com

Allow your mind to wander. We are so used to operating from our analytical mind – beta brainwaves – that we almost don’t know how to stop. We literally get ourselves into paralysis by overthinking/overanalysing things. If you really need a solution or an insight, allow your mind to wander – move into alpha/theta brainwaves. Children are really good at this! Quite naturally, our mind starts wandering when we are showering, exercising, meditating, working around the house (cleaning, gardening etc.). You simply need to release yourself from overthinking and allow it. Every genius idea was born out of this state.

Learn to connect to your heart. This will absolutely benefit you in every area of your life, especially in these challenging circumstances. Did you know that your heart has its own intelligence? Read The HeartMath Solution in order to “Access the power of your heart’s intelligence to improve your focus and creativity, elevate your emotional clarity, lower your stress and anxiety levels, strengthen your immune system, promote your body’s optimal performance, and slow the aging process.” Check HeartMath Institute’s website for more information: https://www.heartmath.org

Start with Why. Simon Sinek’s Global bestseller is teaching us that in business it doesn’t matter what you do, it matters why you do it. I would say it applies to everything in life. If your why is not strong enough, you won’t follow-through. Why you want to get fit? Why you want to learn Spanish? Why you want to start your business? The why has to be bigger than you, it has to be incredibly compelling and you have to feel an emotional connection to it. I will give you an example.

Why I started Juicy Grape?

For my Mum and my Grandma, they don’t understand how beautiful, loving, generous and kind they are, they once gave their power away and suffered greatly because of it. Also, for all the women, men and children who feel as if they are less, who depend on other people’s opinions and moods, who do not have an unshakeable foundation and ability to say “no”. “No” to world’s demands and to their own ego claiming its share. For all the people who have this budding feeling of possibility of freedom. Freedom from their own limitations, socially applied rules and restrictions, from that subconscious misdefined desire to be a “good wife”, “good mother”, “real man” etc. We are all here to live a meaningful life, to fulfil our soul’s purpose and to serve the way we can best. It is not for selected few – it is everybody’s birth right.

For more inspiration read Simon’s book Start with Why and/or watch his Ted talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action

Explore your strengths. It is much easier to build on what you are already good at than simply throwing everything to the wall waiting to see what sticks. For a small fee you can buy access to CliftonStrengths test. It will take 35 minutes of your time and it will give you an overview of what you are really good at. It is up to you whether to go for top 5 or to discover all 34 strengths. Here is the link to UK online store: https://store.gallup.com/c/en-gb/for-individuals/assessments If you are located anywhere else, please make sure you change the location settings (top right corner) to be able to purchase.

Discover your personality type. It will steer you in the right direction. I certainly had quite few “aha” moments reading my results. However, note that not all of the tests out there are that great. Choose carefully not to waste your time and, potentially, money. I found Jung Personality Test to be the most accurate for me. You can get an overview of your personality type free of charge, but I would really recommend paying a small fee (an investment, if you wish) to get access to extensive report because it will allow you to get deeper insight into various different areas (i.e. your leadership style, motivators etc.). Here is a link to the personality test: https://www.123test.com/jung-personality-test/

It is fun to do this work, I promise you! Most importantly, it will give you clarity on what is true to you, perhaps what is no longer serving you, who are you, really, and what that next big step looks like for you.

A Strategy to Loving Yourself

Posted on: March 17th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

Are you not fed up yet with hearing “Darling, you just need to love yourself”? It sounds like such a profound advice until the moment you start thinking of implementing it. Some people interpret it as being completely egotistic and self-centred / on a brink of narcissism. For others standing in front of the mirror looking into their own eyes and repeating “I love you” seems to be like a logical place to begin (nothing wrong with that, by the way, if it works for you). And there are people, probably most of us, simply left in a crippling confusion. Not any longer though!

There are very actionable steps that can be taken for a true long-lasting transformation to happen. Of course, things won’t change overnight. However, isn’t it amazing to know that there is an actual strategy to loving yourself and it works!?

Appreciate yourself

There is no love without appreciation. Period. You can call it whatever you like but it is not love. Make it a habit to review your day by asking two questions:

Don’t beat yourself up about what went wrong – it is not productive.

Appreciate yourself for the smallest achievements: for being present when listening to a troubled friend, for making bed in the morning, for bringing in another client, etc. Praise yourself for the things you would like others to praise you for. Don’t wait for praise to come from anyone else.

Build your confidence

You build your confidence by achieving things, by keeping promises to yourself. We tend to jeopardise our success by establishing either unrealistic or too long-stretched goals. To get our perfect cocktail of dopamine and oxytocin, we need to set small goals and celebrate once we’ve achieved them. Set yourself a goal for a week ahead. Work your but off Monday to Friday to achieve it and celebrate over the weekend. Dopamine is that anticipation when we work towards something, oxytocin floods our brain when we’ve achieved our goal and we are celebrating/enjoying the result. Don’t just work all the time, complete the cycle – make time to celebrate/to enjoy the results. It is crucial for our happiness, motivation and confidence.

Improve your self-esteem

Self-esteem is what you think about yourself, not what others think about you. Dig deeper into what is it that you truly think about you. Who do you need to become / what do you need to address in order to have a better opinion of yourself?

Take care of your mental/emotional space

So, darling, just follow the steps above and you will end up loving yourself more! 🙂

Embrace the Discomfort

Posted on: March 9th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

We have all been in uncomfortable situations and we all know how it feels – you want to catapult yourself from that seat, hover above your body until it is finished or run without looking back. I am not talking about the real moments of threat when our fight or flight mechanism gets activated for a reason. I am talking about that meeting where it is your turn to speak, and you feel like a complete idiot uttering nonsense. I am talking about that kiss you gave to a girl/boy at the end of the first date that wasn’t received as you expected. I am talking about that conversation with your boss where you “froze” and couldn’t stand up for what you believe in.

These are the moments when our fight or flight mechanism is activated because of a perceived threat, usually to our identity. As soon as that discomfort sets in, we start judging ourselves “Why did I just say that?!”, “I sound like an idiot!”, “I am a waste of space”, “Oh, please please please I want this meeting to finish, enough embarrassment”, and completely resist not only what is happening, but what we are feeling too.

The reason we cannot move past the discomfort, sometimes days after that particular event, is because we did not choose to sit through it in complete presence allowing it to unfold into whatever it is there to unfold into.

What is discomfort? It is a slight pain, it is a moment when you feel uneasy, anxious, or embarrassed. It is also a sign of something new emerging, a sign of growth.

Few days ago I had a meeting with somebody who is absolutely incredible at what he does, very aspirational human being. I am in a situation in my professional life where I really want to expand what I am doing into something I have never done before, and he is absolutely the best person to talk to in the field. In that meeting I received so much valuable insight, but there was a point where I thought “I have no idea what I want, nothing that comes out of my mouth makes sense, and I am wasting this man’s time”. I found myself in such an intense discomfort. I wanted this conversation to be over. However, the respect and appreciation I hold for this individual forced me to surrender my resistance and relax into my discomfort. The moment I committed to it, everything shifted. As a result, we had an incredible conversation where not only I benefited hugely from his expertise, but I was able to offer him an insight too. It was an exchange of gifts.

Had I not surrendered my resistance, I would have carried that discomfort for days, and would have never had a chance to unwrap the gift that this particular situation had to offer.

Commit to the moment of discomfort by letting go of resistance and relaxing into the situation. It will be completely transformed. Go even further, embrace those moments of discomfort, knowing that they are precious gifts in disguise.

What’s Holding You Back?

Posted on: February 10th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

Sometime ago I had a dream that I was going through a leg surgery. After the surgery that very same day I was walking through crowded airport and limping really badly with my leg bandaged. At one point in my dream I caught myself thinking that it actually doesn’t hurt, why am I limping? The next thing I remember from that very same dream, is a spider on the wall. That’s it!

I, of course, used Google to discover the meaning of a spider in one’s dream. Apparently, spider was giving me a message that I weave my own web in life. Also, asking if I see the difference between the past and the future.

As simple as it was, here I had my moment of voilà!

Despite everything moving in my life, and rather fast, in a very desirable direction, I was somewhat stuck in the past. I did not celebrate my successes, and I was subconsciously holding myself back. Although, the past wasn’t hurting me anymore, I was desperately clinging to it. Limping was pretty much all I knew at this point, and it was more comfortable than walking with confidence and grace. I made limping a part of my identity.

My mum told me once that dreams are letters from our subconscious mind. If we interpret them right, they propel us in the right direction of what parts of us need to be either healed, awakened or dropped completely. My limping had to go.

How to suddenly start walking with grace and confidence if you were limping for a very long time? If limping became a part of your identity?

The good news is that identity is something we create, and we can change it at any point!

Our identity is who we believe we are. Once you shift your identity towards more positive image of yourself, cultivate a compassionate friend rather than critic within you, and start acknowledging and celebrating even smallest successes in life (become your own cheerleader), then everything changes – the way you show up, the actions you take, and the way people perceive you. Your sense of identity will determine how you show up in life and will attract the same feedback over and over again. Whatever feedback in whatever form you receive from your environment, will feed/reaffirm your sense of identity. It is like a vicious cycle. In order to change our reality, we need to change our beliefs.

What beliefs do you have about yourself that are holding you back? Take inventory. Honestly answer the questions below (these questions came from a book called The Calling by Rha Goddess).

If you look at your answers, are you able to see the beliefs that could potentially have jeopardised your success in the past? If so, draw a vertical line in the middle of an A4 paper sheet (divide it into two parts). On the left side of the line jot down all the beliefs you identified as damaging. On the right side of the line write the empowering beliefs that you could substitute the negative ones with (you need to create an empowering belief for every negative belief you have identified). Once you feel like you’ve done a good job, cut the paper in half (follow the line). Burn a piece of paper with your current negative beliefs on. It is a small symbolic act, but it is important. Keep the half with empowering beliefs and practice them every day until they become a natural part of you.

Identifying the negative beliefs, you currently hold, will help you to be more aware as and when they attempt to creep up into your mind. Awareness is the key, because once you notice a negative belief in action, you can choose to replace it with a powerful alternative. In the beginning it will be a conscious process. However, it is like learning to drive. The day will come when empowering beliefs will be intrinsic part of your identity. In a meantime, it’s like with everything else, the more you practise, the better you’ll get at it.

Dare to Be Unapologetically YOU

Posted on: February 5th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

Twisted faces, fake laughter, ego-driven conversations, going back and forth between attack and defence, constantly trying to prove that we are somebody, we know something, feeling baffled by comparisons we make to either feel worthless or better than others. STOP.

We are trying to be anything and everything that we are truly not – it hurts deeply and consumes us greatly. It is like walking on a thin glass that can shatter any moment. How much stress, anxiety and the fear of being “found out” it must cause. It robs us of the possibility to establish deeper connections, to feel whole/complete and to experience fulfilment in life.

Unapologetically you doesn’t mean being perfect or having the right to act like an as***le. I hear things like “If I am being truly myself I may hurt others, because, you know, I am not really a very good person”, that’s just lacking integrity and avoiding responsibility towards yourself and others. Being a good person or a bad person (however we define it) is a choice, not a default quality of our true self. We make choices every day on how we are going to show up, whether we understand it or not. It is our responsibility to take care of our mental/emotional space, so we could make those decisions from the place of who we truly are at our core. That “not a very good person” would never be who you truly are because you are a divine creation – you are gorgeous at your core. You simply worked hard and long enough to convince yourself and others otherwise.

How would your life change if you started responding from that authentic place within you rather than allowing ego to orchestrate the show?

Being unapologetically you may be a totally new experience for you. It may also be a very scary place to go to if you haven’t visited it yet. Many of us are so afraid of finding a bogey man (the light being shed on all our shortcomings). However, it is quite the opposite; if we look deep enough, what we discover is an invaluable gift.

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson

Discover your true self

Once you discover your true self, you will realise how beautiful, creative, passionate and powerful you are. Share your true self with the world and make it a conscious practice to not let anything stand in your way. If you slip, don’t beat yourself over it, just pick yourself up and choose again.

 

 

 

End The Frustration of Not Being THERE Yet

Posted on: January 14th, 2020 by Domante No Comments

Have you ever felt frustrated after doing one of the “imagine your life in 5 years-time, what would you like it to be” exercises? I certainly have. I would get really inspired and excited to start with, however, frustration would inevitably take over. It happens because there is a great gap between where we are at the moment and where it is that we would like to be.

I’d try to juggle my everyday responsibilities, with slightly diminished importance in my own perspective, waiting for that perfect moment to arrive when I can finally focus on my future vision and start bringing it to life. Sometimes we are so deeply entrenched in our new “big idea” that we completely lose touch with who we are and what we do in this very moment. Something I had to learn the hard way.

We create our future this very minute, whether we are changing the diapers, cleaning the house, sweating at our 9-5 job or actually working on our “big idea”. It is the integrity, we are doing all of those things with, that will determine the quality and evolution of our lives.

I discovered what works for me in those moments of frustration, and I hope that by sharing it I can be of help to you.

This is your starting point – the beginning of your journey to that next “big thing”. Instead of resenting what is, embrace it and use it to get to your destination.

Reclaim Your Place of Power

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

Few years ago, I was doing one of my favourite soul-searching exercises. I felt a little bit lost at the time and needed some clarity. The exercise of my choice was something known as Soul Collage. It is an intuitive process – you consciously give driver’s seat to your subconscious mind.

During the exercise I was going through multiple images in the old magazines and newspapers. For no reason what so ever I felt particularly drawn to the pictures of tigers. Later I discovered that tiger, as a symbol, is a powerful reminder of overcoming obstacles and fears by reclaiming our place of power. The message hit home at the time.

What is that place of power? To me, it is feeling grounded in my values as if I had an unshakeable foundation, speaking my truth without fear of rejection, knowing when to say ‘no’ without guilt, debating with passion and respect without the need to be right, caring for myself, having a deep sense of peace within. It is that silent, solitary power that tigers are known for.

When travelling in Japan I met a gorgeous and exuberant woman. You would notice her from a far. She is emanating confidence and charm. There is an aura of glamour and incredible warmth around her. I was fascinated to know what makes her so confident and full of life, so I asked. To my surprise, she said “Divorce. I had been through hell and back“.

When we give our place of power away we do so consciously or unconsciously, whether realising or not that it is a “trade deal”. We trade our place of power for the illusion of love, for material or emotional security, for acceptance, for being seen by the world as good wives, mothers or daughters.

How do we give away our place of power?

Do we need to be deeply wounded before we say “enough is enough” and reclaim our place of power? No, we don’t. We can choose less turbulent life by cultivating awareness and self-respect.

How would you show up to the world if you reclaimed your power today?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” – Marianne Williamson

 

The Power of Surrender

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

I whisper word “surrender” in my mind and I immediately feel my shoulders drop down and my breathing get deeper.

If I had to think about moments in my life that were filled with incredible sets of circumstances, “aha” moments and extraordinary coincidences, those were the moments of complete surrender.

We think we know how it could be or it should be only if we acquire that car, that friendship or that promotion. We think we know what would make us happy and fulfilled. The reality is we don’t know until we experience it. To clench, grasp, push and pull in all directions to only find out that it wasn’t IT is consuming.

What if you exercised an idea that there is a greater intelligence than me or you and to some extent we are a part of it. That intelligence has our happiness and fulfilment at its core. When people say “follow your heart” that is what they mean – follow your intuitive knowing, that silent voice within. Sometimes we are tuned enough to hear the voice, but we refuse to listen because it suggests we put ourselves through painful challenges, we change direction of our lives or let people go. We are holding tight on to things that are no longer serving us, just to feel comfortably familiar. We want to control every outcome and we are addicted to our stress.

What is an act of surrender? It is a silent promise to embrace whatever comes our way. It starts with accepting ourselves the way we are, yet still striving to be the best we can be; allowing ourselves to feel, whether it is joy, sadness or anger, without holding on to the feeling itself; understanding that all that we consider unjust is there for a reason, yet never withhold compassion; releasing the judgement of ourselves and others, yet trusting our intuition and running to safety, both physical and emotional, if we need to; surrendering the need to be right and the need to know everything, instead embracing the fact that there is so much more to life than we will ever be able to comprehend…

When I look back at my life I feel grateful for not receiving the things that I wanted so badly. I fell for men who did not share my values, applied for the job that would have given me great financial rewards but no fulfilment, wanted an apartment in a small city without realising that I can have home anywhere in the world. Had I received all those things I wanted I would have not become the person I am today. I would have stayed inhibited by my own limitations.

There is a lot of chaos out there, a lot of noise of a big city, too many opinions and not enough insight, too many to do lists – hardly ever we can experience stillness and hear that voice of intuitive knowing within. I will always remember what Gurmukh told us in one of her yoga classes. If the noise distracts you, wake up at 5 in the morning, go out for a walk in a sleeping city or sit down on your meditation pillow because it is worth hearing what that voice of intuitive knowing has to say. Your life will change in that quiet moment.

“If we examine our life as a mythic journey, we may discover the deeper symbolic meanings of our struggles, our heroic battles – whether they are at work or at home, with our spouse, parents, or children, or addictions or disease. Connecting with the deeper symbolism of what we are doing allows us to know the significance of our lives regardless of whether the cultural markers of money and fame are present. Discovering the deeper personal symbolism of our journey, just as it is, also allows us to know and feel that our lives are deeply meaningful, or to make adjustments so they become more so.” – Gurmukh

Are You Selfish Enough?

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

“This is such an inappropriate question in the spiritual context of this website!” – If that was your initial reaction to the title, then you definitely need to be more selfish.

There is a misconception in our society – we overvalue sacrifice, we consecrate poverty and we think that looking after ourselves is either a sin or a luxury. The more energy, love, compassion and money we have the more we can give. In order to feel energetic, filled with love and compassion – to be abundant in every area of our lives, we have to show ourselves some love.

Think about it for a moment. If you constantly look after everyone else, not tending to your own needs, both physical and spiritual, how long before your fuel runs out? When you are exhausted and overwhelmed what is your capacity to give? Will you be the most supportive partner, great parent and an amazing friend?

On a larger scale, deprived, stressed about your ability to provide for yourself and for your family, feeling exhausted and inadequate, what is it that you can contribute to this world?

Make it a habit to regularly retract from everything and everyone and give yourself some self-love. Be a little bit more selfish, not narcissistic or self-obsessed, just fill up your tank.

What’s your fuel?

All the above are so obvious, there is nothing on that list we haven’t heard before. Yet over and over again I speak to completely run-down women who know even more ways to fuel up their tanks but don’t do anything. It is through doing, not through knowing that we get results.

It this post resonates with you, schedule something now and fill up your tank! The more ‘juice’ you have, the more you can give.