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Reclaim Your Place of Power

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

Few years ago, I was doing one of my favourite soul-searching exercises. I felt a little bit lost at the time and needed some clarity. The exercise of my choice was something known as Soul Collage. It is an intuitive process – you consciously give driver’s seat to your subconscious mind.

During the exercise I was going through multiple images in the old magazines and newspapers. For no reason what so ever I felt particularly drawn to the pictures of tigers. Later I discovered that tiger, as a symbol, is a powerful reminder of overcoming obstacles and fears by reclaiming our place of power. The message hit home at the time.

What is that place of power? To me, it is feeling grounded in my values as if I had an unshakeable foundation, speaking my truth without fear of rejection, knowing when to say ‘no’ without guilt, debating with passion and respect without the need to be right, caring for myself, having a deep sense of peace within. It is that silent, solitary power that tigers are known for.

When travelling in Japan I met a gorgeous and exuberant woman. You would notice her from a far. She is emanating confidence and charm. There is an aura of glamour and incredible warmth around her. I was fascinated to know what makes her so confident and full of life, so I asked. To my surprise, she said “Divorce. I had been through hell and back“.

When we give our place of power away we do so consciously or unconsciously, whether realising or not that it is a “trade deal”. We trade our place of power for the illusion of love, for material or emotional security, for acceptance, for being seen by the world as good wives, mothers or daughters.

How do we give away our place of power?

Do we need to be deeply wounded before we say “enough is enough” and reclaim our place of power? No, we don’t. We can choose less turbulent life by cultivating awareness and self-respect.

How would you show up to the world if you reclaimed your power today?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” – Marianne Williamson

 

The Power of Surrender

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

I whisper word “surrender” in my mind and I immediately feel my shoulders drop down and my breathing get deeper.

If I had to think about moments in my life that were filled with incredible sets of circumstances, “aha” moments and extraordinary coincidences, those were the moments of complete surrender.

We think we know how it could be or it should be only if we acquire that car, that friendship or that promotion. We think we know what would make us happy and fulfilled. The reality is we don’t know until we experience it. To clench, grasp, push and pull in all directions to only find out that it wasn’t IT is consuming.

What if you exercised an idea that there is a greater intelligence than me or you and to some extent we are a part of it. That intelligence has our happiness and fulfilment at its core. When people say “follow your heart” that is what they mean – follow your intuitive knowing, that silent voice within. Sometimes we are tuned enough to hear the voice, but we refuse to listen because it suggests we put ourselves through painful challenges, we change direction of our lives or let people go. We are holding tight on to things that are no longer serving us, just to feel comfortably familiar. We want to control every outcome and we are addicted to our stress.

What is an act of surrender? It is a silent promise to embrace whatever comes our way. It starts with accepting ourselves the way we are, yet still striving to be the best we can be; allowing ourselves to feel, whether it is joy, sadness or anger, without holding on to the feeling itself; understanding that all that we consider unjust is there for a reason, yet never withhold compassion; releasing the judgement of ourselves and others, yet trusting our intuition and running to safety, both physical and emotional, if we need to; surrendering the need to be right and the need to know everything, instead embracing the fact that there is so much more to life than we will ever be able to comprehend…

When I look back at my life I feel grateful for not receiving the things that I wanted so badly. I fell for men who did not share my values, applied for the job that would have given me great financial rewards but no fulfilment, wanted an apartment in a small city without realising that I can have home anywhere in the world. Had I received all those things I wanted I would have not become the person I am today. I would have stayed inhibited by my own limitations.

There is a lot of chaos out there, a lot of noise of a big city, too many opinions and not enough insight, too many to do lists – hardly ever we can experience stillness and hear that voice of intuitive knowing within. I will always remember what Gurmukh told us in one of her yoga classes. If the noise distracts you, wake up at 5 in the morning, go out for a walk in a sleeping city or sit down on your meditation pillow because it is worth hearing what that voice of intuitive knowing has to say. Your life will change in that quiet moment.

“If we examine our life as a mythic journey, we may discover the deeper symbolic meanings of our struggles, our heroic battles – whether they are at work or at home, with our spouse, parents, or children, or addictions or disease. Connecting with the deeper symbolism of what we are doing allows us to know the significance of our lives regardless of whether the cultural markers of money and fame are present. Discovering the deeper personal symbolism of our journey, just as it is, also allows us to know and feel that our lives are deeply meaningful, or to make adjustments so they become more so.” – Gurmukh

Are You Selfish Enough?

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

“This is such an inappropriate question in the spiritual context of this website!” – If that was your initial reaction to the title, then you definitely need to be more selfish.

There is a misconception in our society – we overvalue sacrifice, we consecrate poverty and we think that looking after ourselves is either a sin or a luxury. The more energy, love, compassion and money we have the more we can give. In order to feel energetic, filled with love and compassion – to be abundant in every area of our lives, we have to show ourselves some love.

Think about it for a moment. If you constantly look after everyone else, not tending to your own needs, both physical and spiritual, how long before your fuel runs out? When you are exhausted and overwhelmed what is your capacity to give? Will you be the most supportive partner, great parent and an amazing friend?

On a larger scale, deprived, stressed about your ability to provide for yourself and for your family, feeling exhausted and inadequate, what is it that you can contribute to this world?

Make it a habit to regularly retract from everything and everyone and give yourself some self-love. Be a little bit more selfish, not narcissistic or self-obsessed, just fill up your tank.

What’s your fuel?

All the above are so obvious, there is nothing on that list we haven’t heard before. Yet over and over again I speak to completely run-down women who know even more ways to fuel up their tanks but don’t do anything. It is through doing, not through knowing that we get results.

It this post resonates with you, schedule something now and fill up your tank! The more ‘juice’ you have, the more you can give.

Taming Your Mind

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

“The mind is very powerful, and never loses its creative force. It never sleeps. Every instant it is creating. It is hard to recognise that thought and belief combine into a power surge that can literally move mountains.” – A Course in Miracles

Anything we do in life starts with a thought. Anything of significance we want to change in our life will have to be a shift in thinking first. If somebody is struggling to find a partner or a new fulfilling job, instead of downloading another dating app or submitting their CV to another potential employer, they must address the issue on a thought level first. Perhaps there are conflicting beliefs stopping them from having the relationship they want, or the disempowering mindset that repels all the great career opportunities.

In order to tame our mind, we need to raise our awareness and show commitment to shift our thinking through practice.

Find meaning & resolve conflict

I like to look at everything that is happening on a physical plane as if it was a consequence. If something is not happening, is causing frustration, anxiety, etc. there is a misalignment somewhere, a conflict on a mind level. Simple example, we often do things that we don’t want to do but we have to – a conflict. The easiest way to achieve mind coherence here would be to simply stop doing the things. However, quite often that is not an option. The other way, the one I would encourage you to practice, is to change our perception. How does that thing that you have to do but don’t like doing actually benefit you? Is there a long-term gain in you doing it? It’s like kids and brushing teeth. At first, they are annoyed that they have to do it, then the teenagehood kicks in, and suddenly brushing teeth has a completely different meaning because they want to have beautiful white teeth just like Arianna Grande’s.

Change focus from “me” to “we”

I often ask people to honestly look at themselves and ask who do they have to become in order to “deserve” the relationship or the career they desire. What can we change at the level of thinking that would ultimately have an impact on how we show up at that date or that interview and most importantly – how do we show up to the world. Change your focus from “what it is that I can get in this new relationship or new job”, to “what it is that I can give to this person, how can I contribute to the company’s success”.

Feed your mind regularly

Unless you feed the mind something new, inspiring, eye-opening, it will continue munching on the same old stories you were telling yourself forever. Story told several times creates a belief. Perhaps your belief is that all the good men are taken already or that everybody is an idiot. Mind is building on our stories. Soon “all good men are taken already” will turn into “all good men are taken already, and I will die surrounded by 20 cats”. Wouldn’t it be nice if instead your mind was working for you, not against you. Always aim for growth, expansion, new insights. Start creating stories that work for you.

Even whilst you are reading this post your mind is at work. Catch it in action! What is it up to and how does that serve you?

Finding Solution to Your Problem

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

Finding solution for one’s problem is something I, and probably you, deal with on a daily basis. People come to me to get that solution “coached out” of them or, even worse, to be told. Friends and family ask your take on their problems or use you as a sounding board to work through them.

When it comes to problem solving, I live by a good old quote by Albert Einstein “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

What we tend to do when we realise we have a problem is to think ourselves to complete paralysis. This mulling over things in your head, on emotional level, is deepening the problem and not getting you any closer to the solution.

Using the same kind of thinking means not shifting the perception or changing the approach, not seeing the bigger picture, not surrendering the attachment to the outcome, simply not allowing a moment to take a deep breath.

How can we change our thinking?

Before you reach out to anybody else in an attempt to find a solution, try this on your own. Soon enough it will become a valuable skill. As the Italian proverb goes, “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish and you feed him for his lifetime”.

Let’s Dance Around the Fire

Posted on: November 27th, 2019 by Domante No Comments

To me, “dancing around the fire” symbolises freedom. Freedom to be who you are without any fog or constrictions. Freedom to be joyful as well as freedom to be sad or angry. Freedom to create, to live your soul’s purpose fully, freedom to make choices and follow your intuition.

Like the goddess Artemis, in all her childishness, vigorously jumping around the fire in her short dress, with bow and arrows tied to her back, surrounded by her hounds. The Goddess of Wild Things ready to conquer the world! Not with her ego, not with masculine weapons of physical strength, not by pretending to be someone else but by embracing her true self; releasing the wild animal that resides within. Fierce but beautiful, armoured with strong intuition and knowing.

That’s what I want to see – every woman dancing around the fire, metaphorically or physically as and when she chooses to do so.

The coaching journey, to me, is about getting to that place of ultimate freedom through understanding who you are, accepting and embracing the “oh, not so beautiful” aspects of yourself because they are the gifts yet not transformed. Through digging deeper into things that seem to be off, through awakening that inner voice that often gets silenced like a misbehaving child, although it has the right to speak – we all remember those moments when we wish we have had listened.

I see freedom as a starting point for everything we want to achieve in life, whether that is a fulfilling career (“success without fulfilment is an ultimate failure” – Tony Robbins), bringing up healthy and happy children, having an amazing relationship, the list goes on. It is a foundation. You cannot build a robust house on the shaky foundation of somebody else’s beliefs, or on what is socially (or rather ‘societally’) acceptable, on neglect, suppression or the lack of true identity. Eventually the feelings of emptiness, loneliness and anxiety will prevail, and you will be forced to do the work – to pick up yourself off the floor, to do the soul searching and begin anew.

I always encourage women to choose to do the work now rather than waiting until the knocking on the soul’s door becomes too loud to be ignored.

The process of getting to that place of freedom is very individual. I am a true believer that you already have all the answers. Nobody else is an expert in what it is like to be you, nobody can tell you what you can or cannot achieve, how much intelligence, empathy or courage you are capable of. We not only allow our own limitations to shape the image we hold of ourselves, we do allow other people’s limitations to contribute to the formation of that image too.

The work starts with “unlearning” all these deep ingrained beliefs and borrowed identities. Clearing the clutter away, silencing the noise, so you can hear that voice within and it can take you on a journey of getting to know your true self, your desires, your passions, the gifts you have to offer to this world, learning along the way what needs to be changed, accepted or let go of.

My job here is not to tell you who you are but to guide, challenge and support you in your journey. I cannot possibly know or even contemplate who you truly are. However, I would love to meet that authentic self of yours.

The beautiful testament to how unique, by definition, we all are, was my brother’s answer to the question of what happy means to him. He said – “you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and you want to sing?”. Funnily enough, I do remember him as a small child singing in the mornings. As we shared a room, I remember waking up to the lyrics of “O Sole Mio” by Pavarotti. It makes me laugh now but, as an older sister, I used to find it hugely annoying. If only I knew back then that what I was witnessing was something so profoundly fundamental, something one day many years later he will have to claim back – he was free, wild and unstoppable.

Dancing around the fire is so close to my heart because of what it depicts – freedom. I was never a prisoner in anybody’s cage other than my own. More than ten years ago one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met – psychologist Dalia Braziulyte – handed me a book called Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. In this book I discovered comfort, acceptance, the notion of freedom – reading it felt like a spiritual homecoming. Something in me started shifting and there was no going back – I was on a journey, metaphorically and soon enough physically.

Since then I have lived in four different countries (and still do – almost simultaneously!), met many awe-inspiring people, I’ve been privileged to attend some of the best trainings and seminars in the world, read hundreds of books ranging from neuroscience, psychology, personal development to spirituality, alternative healing techniques and nutrition as medicine.

I’ve done all of these things so that you don’t have to. My darkest night of the soul became my greatest gift that I am willing and I am able to share.